Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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