His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
