An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
