he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
