the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
