I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
