My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
