I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
