is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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