Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
