Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
