Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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