I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
