She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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