Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
