I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
