If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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