He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
