I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
