Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
