next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
