Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
