Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
