he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
