suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
