Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
