Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
