After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize