So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
