My nipple is on Facebook.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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