I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
