it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
