oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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