I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize