White coat. Heels.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
