Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drake has all the answers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
