are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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