He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize