i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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