she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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