she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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