Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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