Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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