Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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