I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
