bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
