so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
