Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
