there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
