Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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