just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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