The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
