Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
