I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
