Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
