I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just puked most of my soul out..
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