Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
