Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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