My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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