Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
