Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
