I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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