the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
