Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
