I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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