I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
