i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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