do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
