i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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