How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
