Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
