Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
two words: eviction party
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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