He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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