You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
