I'm lost and stupid without you.
is wine microwaveable?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
