dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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