On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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