Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
