Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
