Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
